I'm so tired of everyone saying, "its not u, its him." Yea right!!! He's PERFECT and i'm ME. The nerd, the wanna-be popular. I'm so sick of everyone lying to me. It can't always be him. In fact, ITS NEVER HIM! I try everything to make him like me again, to make him remember how happy we used to be, but i'm NEVER good enough. Nothing i do is ever good enough because im ME not HIM. I will never be perfect.

Don't you just wanna jump off the world sometimes and fly through the air, soaring and soaring...till u fall...u hope that u will land in a different place. Somewhere that doesn't have your problems or anything that has to do with ur life. Sometimes i feel like i feel this way much too often. Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with the stresses of my life that i lose myself and forget who i am or what i want to become. All i can think about is what will happen when its all over. I mean all the stresses...will i be able to find myself again? But what happens if i lose myself again?...and more imortantly....what if next time i can't pick up the pieces? Will i lose myself forever?

ok...since i have now decided that short quotes are retarded im going back to long stories...starting now...

Remember the first story about the perfect boyfriend that i had? Well now let me tell you what happened over the summer. We had started to become closer. I felt like we were pretty good friends. I still really liked him, but he was still with my ex-friend that he dumped me for. One random day I IMed him and his friend (who I had started to talk to too) were hanging out. I was IMing with both of them when his friend asked me how much I really liked him. I told him that I loved him. His friend told him and the most unexpected thing happened...he started to say her felt the same way about me. He said the only reason he was still with his girlfriend was because he didn't want to seem like a jerk. He convinced me that his friend was gonna get her to break up with him. I didn't believe him at first but then when his friend came through I believed that he loved me. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. He told me that he wanted to be single and that is y he wasnt asking me out. I didn't care. All I needed to hear was the "I love you"s and the "your amazing"s and I was satisfied. This went on for a couple of weeks. I was happy for the first time since I went out with him. Then one day he IMed me and said he needed to tell me something. He said he got back together with his ex and that I had become his bff and he didnt want to lose me. I still act like everything is ok but its not. What he did was wrong and it hurt worse than any pain I have ever felt.

I should have told you how much I love you,

How much I care,

I should have told you how much I love your laugh,

How it made me smile,

I should have told you how happy you make me,

How you could never make me frown,

I should have told you how your little quirks make you who you are,

How I adored them,

I should have told you these things while I had the chance,

Now I can't,

But she can.

"I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind."

  "The spaces between your fingers were created so that another's could fill them in."

-The one guy who completes me

   I didn't really like him...he was my friend from chorus. He wasn't ugly...but he wasn't cute either. One day, i heard he was gonna ask me out...i had been single 4 a while and was happy that someone decent was gonna ask me out.

   The relationship didn't really have a good start...this is how he asked me out: "(him) Hi...(me) heyy...(him) Hi...(me) yea?...(him) Wat am i supposed to do again?...(bystander) Ask her out u retard...(him) Oh yea u wanna go out...(me bein stupid) sure."

   After 2 days i was kinda fed up with his immaturity...so i was getting ready to break up with him. I became less popular wen he beat me 2 it.